Oh gosh, I absolutely CANNOT wait for the Promos to be over!!

Yesterday I went to National Library to study with Marc, Doris and Cindy. And MAN, National Lib is absolutely any book lover's heaven. And definitely mine. I would camp overnight there if I could.

And I think I absolutely laughed way too much yesterday. Thanks to Marc's lame crap, Doris's eyebrows and suggestive looks and my nonsensical jokes about shit while having lunch in Mac.

Then Cindy and Doris went home first, so Marc and I went off for dinner together at Long John's Silver. So we were eating and talking when suddenly the lights went out. o.O Power failure. Haha, that was waaay cool man. First time I'd ever experience such a thing in a fast food restaurant. But we went on eating and talking anyway. Then Marc had to go off for his rehearsal and I went back to the National library.

This time I went up to the Study Lounge, and thank goodness there were empty seats. After sometime, the seats by the glass window were vacated and I immediately shifted over. Gosh, city life at night is absolutely beautiful. Whenever I got bored, I would like look out and admire the soft orange lighting of those skyscrapers, the lights from the cars at the busy roads down below. It's just so lovely. (:

A fresh new stab of pain.

The vulture circling above, awaits.

Extravaganza!

After 5 hours of mugging biology and doing a little bit of math, I went off to Bugis. And there it goes... SHOPPING SPREE!

And boy, did I splurge today. I bought like two bags and this wallet I've been eyeing since weeks ago. I had wanted a backpack kind of bag initially, but then the sling bag looked so lovely too. So I took both. Haha. Gosh, I think there's a hole in my pocket now.

My 5th grand uncle went into hospital today.

What in the frickin' world is wrong with the year 2006?! Since January, a total of FOURTEEN of my family and relatives have gotten hospitalised, including yours truly. I didn't walk under a ladder, I broke no mirrors, I don't think any black cats crossed my path. So WHY in the world is everything bad squished and clumped into this year?! And I have no guarantees about the years that are to follow.

And recent X-rays have shown that my mum's knee bones were knocked out of alignment during the impact of the car accident. And a fragment of one of her knee bones got chipped off.

Oh dear wind, please do blow those grey clouds away. And let a ray of light shine through, will you? Just one ray. Just one ray would do.

Hell has frozen over; I exercised!! After school today, I got home and decided that I was becoming fat. You know, sitting there all day and studying, eating food and not exercising at all. Gosh. SO I decided to go to the gym and exercise a bit. Hahaha. And do a bit of personal physio to strengthen those badly banged-up knee muscles and ligaments.

COMPASS was fun today! We had a stress management session with this external group who came into our school to give a really interactive talk. And I like the guy's accent. Gosh, it's so lovely. He's from San Francisco. So anyway, we did an uber short DISC profilling test and I realised that my personality had changed! Oooh my gosh. I used to be SI. But now I'm half S and half C. C!! Gosh. Awed.

And then he showed us the various ways in which the different personality types cope with stress. The one from S that was like me was: seeking support from friends. But the ones in which how C copes with stress was so like me: Be alone and tune out. Goodness, the countless number of times I've wandered the streets alone, walking around malls alone and what have you. And I tune everything out by losing myself in a good novel, watching sappy romantic dramas or blasting my room with music (not metal or rock though).

Oh, and here are some pictures of 06S305 on Teacher's Day 2006!

Today I took early leave off school to attend my aunt's crematorial service. Well, it wasn't exactly early leave, all I missed was just two periods: GP and PW.

Cremation is usually the hardest part of any funeral I guess. To me at least. Cos it's when the person is really gone, for good. At least during the service, you can still see the body inside the coffin, but after cremation, everything is reduced to a pile of smouldering ashes. Gone, just like that.

We went to Mandai Crematorium. A lovely place really, but still, it's a crematorium. The viewing hall was really small though, but I was standing in front, beside my grandma, I was afraid she might just collaspe or something. So we just stood up there and waited while the guy loaded the coffin onto a machine which will send it into the... furnace? (what do you call it?) Ah, whatever, the thingy that burns everything up. It was just so... surreal... Looking down at the coffin, sitting atop the machine as it moves across the space below... And this wooden door swings open, revealing the metal barriers (gates? doors? whatever) that soon slowly opened to allow entry for the coffin. Right before the machine sends the coffin into the raging inferno (wait, I don't think they use fire anymore), it was like the last goodbye.. the last sight.. the last words.. And poof, it's gone.

I feel so exhausted and drained now. Like I've aged a year or something. Haha... My eyes are tired and they hurt. I just practised my violin like a madman (or woman to be precise). My bow kept bouncing when I shifted from 1st to 3rd position. It made me so pissed I played that part over and over again. My arms, hands and fingers are numb now. I so have no mood to study right now. I'm out.

Dear 4th grandaunt,

Today was such a gloomy day, with all that grey clouds and rain, but I'm sure it's sunny up there in Heaven. After 3 years of hard battle with bone cancer, you finally found relief. No more pain, no more suffering.. It's hard to think that I'd never see you again when I walk past the video shop, and that you would never bring us ice cream again..
Rest in peace, grand aunt...

This morning, my 4th grand aunt passed away, after 3 long years of battle with bone cancer. I had totally no mood to study today. I stoned at the library for sometime, although I did complete my differentiation tutorial 4 and began Applications of dy/dx tutorial.

It's just too sudden. I had wanted to visit her, but I never got the chance to. I was too late. Too late...

The next time I saw her, she was lying in her coffin.

I saw her photo first. It showed me the aunt I knew. But whom I saw in the coffin... My goodness... Cancer, damn you fu*cking oncogenes. She looked so gaunt... so thin... practically skin and bones. Chemo robbed her of most of her hair... Ugh, my gosh. I just couldn't stop the tears that came.

But I'm glad she no longer has to suffer, to bear all that horrible, excruciating pain.. If only tumours could be easily blasted apart... If only there were no mutation in the Ras protein and p53 tumour-suppressor gene... If only...

Rest in peace, grand aunt...

Today yours truly got squashified on the MRT train. I was on my way home from Marcus's Philharmonic Youth Winds concert at the Singapore Conference Hall. I was leaning against the glass panel right beside the door (you know that one, right?), and at one stop, 3 tall guys squished their way into the already packed carriage. And the result? One of them ended up about 10 frickin' CM away from my face. I was staring into his back of course, he was facing away from me. Behind me was the glass panal and 10cm in front of me was this wall of white cloth (his shirt. Like I said, he's tall). If the train so much as lurches and he falls backwards. That's it man, I will really live up to my nickname of "pancake".

Ah yes, so I was saying, I attended the Philharmonic Youth Winds and Philharmonic Winds concert today, cos Marcus was performing and I got his complimentary ticket anyway. Hahaha. Phil Youths is not bad man! But Phil Winds totally blew me away. Oh my goodness. They are damn good! Fast AND clear running notes, wonderful tone, and they are really LOUD. Gosh, their lungs power must be like superb man. And I love their dynamics, which are clearly played out. I think my hairs stood during the crescendo. Damn nice. And the oboe player! His tone!! Omg, his tone! Added with vibrato, I think I just about melted and fused with my seat.

Sigh, I miss performing. I miss the thrill and nervousness of going on stage. The moment as you wait behind closed doors, then seconds later, as the door swings open and you take that one step out onto the stage and the audience bursts into applause. Gosh! Reminisce reminisce... Nevermind, at least there's still the Open House performance coming up and I've got 3 friggin' solo parts in The Dance of the Yao (or The Legend of the Yao, whatever, Yao Zu Wu Qu in Chinese). Wuahahaz, gotta practice. Need to get my tone and pitching right.

Oh, and today's my first time attending a concert alone. Haha, quite interesting.

Musings of the Day

Saviour
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save

Gosh, I just love this 4 lines so much! It's from a song, Mighty To Save by Hillsong. Lovely. Praise the Lord~!

School has been made slightly bearable from the daily doses of insane, hysterical and diabolic laughter every now and then. Goodness, just yesterday, the usual five of us, Sabby, Pris, Kia Ming, Doris and I were having lunch in the canteen. We were all eating Yong Tau Foo, and I was busy complaining about how the econs test that morning was like 'bang sai', while busy piling guo tiao onto my spoon. Then Sabby looked up at me and went "Did you just say 'bang sai'?" The spoon was halfway to my mouth, I paused, and answered "Yes, I did. Why?" And she went again "Did you just say econs test was like 'bang sai'?" I was really bewildered then and I replied "Uh huh..." And then she erupted into spontaneous laughter. We stared at her for some moments before bursting into laughter ourselves, simply because we were laughing at her laughter.

And for some unknown reasons, she couldn't stop laughing!! I thought she was gonna stop after sometime but no! She laughed and she laughed and she laughed and laughed and laughed. I seriously think she laughed non-stop for at least a full whole minute. And because of that, we also almost laughed for a full whole minute. I laughed until I wanted to fall off the bench and my stomach muscles hurt so much I'm gonna get instant abs or something. Wooo man. And ouch to my stomach.

Recently, I bought a photo frame. Finally. I'd been wanting one for sometime now, but it wasn't easy finding one that's nice AND cheap. Initially, it was meant for a particular photo. But now, not anymore... Ah wells, quit dwelling in the past girl!!

My performance in today's Biology test was most disappointing. I began studying for it during the Sept holidays. Three major topics: Genetics of Viruses and Bacteria, Organisation and Control of Prokaryotic and Eukaryotic Genome, and Genetic Variation. And I studied again yesterday. But today, when the test paper was sitting atop my lecture desk, my mind totally blanked out. I couldn't even remember how to draw my Genetic diagram for a heterozygous dihybrid cross properly!! Oh my Goodness. I was totally freaking out. Damn it.

Today's post sounded like a rojak of random musings and daily happenings. Hah.

Seriously, Chris has the one of the most infectious laughter I've ever heard in my life. I got a throat ache today because I was laughing at his laughter. Goodness. And I ended up not paying much attention during Chem tutorial cos half the time I was laughing, either with Doris or at Chris, Danson and Sunny. The 3 stooges sitting right in front of us. At this rate I'm laughing, I'm gonna get abs! Hah!

Yes people, Val is back. Yeah, I've finally decided to crawl out of my pit of self-pity, stop moping around and stop wallowing in my sorrow. Life still goes on, and the Sun still rises every morning. Of course it still hurts, that I can't deny. But what's happened can't be undone. And I guess love lost is like water being poured out. It never comes back. Or will it..? But it all doesn't matter now. There are many lessons to learn in life. And this time, my lesson is rejection. I've never gotten rejected before and I must say it wasn't a nice feeling at all. But hey, there's always a first time. And indeed, adversity does make a great teacher, in many ways.

As they say, love is the most powerful emotion known to man. How true. It can bring joy and happiness so great and yet at the same time, it can be the most lethal of all poison. Love, exactly what is it? I guess you could say it's beyond definition.

I'm sad that things had to end this way. And the phrase "Love never does knows its own depth until the hour of separation" has never been more true. Many a times, we don't realise the true value of what we have by our side, until it has been taken away from us. Many a times, we take things for granted. This lesson, I've learnt it the hard way. And I was indeed, too late. But I'm still thankful to you for the happiness you've brought me the past one year. Thank you.

I guess it's time to let go now. The next time I see you, I won't be crying. :)

A World Without You
Emma Bunton

I know that you can hear the rhythm of the rain
Although we're miles apart I know you feel my pain
I try to be so strong, I try to carry on
But since you left the sun don't seem to shine

My tears are falling on the words you wrote to me
I wish that somehow they could take me where I wanna be
It seems so long ago, you held me when I cried
For now I just pretend you're by my side, oh-oh yeah

Everything that I touch turns to blue
When I'm living in a world without you
I'm going crazy baby, I am missing you
Can't imagine all I go through
When I'm living in a world without you
I'm not alone I know that you can feel it too
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

I try to watch a movie but you're all that I can see (all that I can see)
In my dreams I know I always see you constantly
But then a dream comes to an end and I'm alone
And I can't seem to let this feeling go, whoa-oh baby

Everything that I touch turns to blue
When I'm living in a world without you
I'm going crazy baby, I am missing you
Can't imagine all I go through
When I'm living in a world without you(can't live without you)I
'm not alone I know that you can feel it too

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (la la la la)
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (la la la la)
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

I try to be so strong, I try to carry on
But since you left the sun don't seem to shine, whoa-oh-ooh

Everything that I touch turns to blue
When I'm living in a world without you(I'm going crazy, missing you baby)
I'm going crazy baby, I am missing you
Can't imagine all I go through
When I'm living in a world without you (a world without you)
I'm not alone I know that you can feel it too

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (what can I do without you baby)
Can't imagine all I go through
When I'm living in a world without you (living without you)
I'm not alone I know that you can feel it too

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (la la la la)
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (la la la la)
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

I'm going crazy missing you baby
Living without you (living without you)